John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
