I'm eating all of the evidence.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
