We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
