Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
