Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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