Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
