$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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