Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
