Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
