chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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