It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
