dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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