Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
