I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
