Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
