I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
