one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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