i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dear god my vagina.
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