Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
