You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
