I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
