Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize