he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
