I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
