I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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