How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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