Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
