I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Randomize
