Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
