yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
