No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
