i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
