I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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