you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
