How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
