Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
