I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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