Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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