dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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