Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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