I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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