Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
