at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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