I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
