You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
