You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
