walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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