I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
