i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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