Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
