i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
