shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
