Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
