Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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