My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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