well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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