i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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