Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
