Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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