after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
