also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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