I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
