When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
