Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
