I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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