so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
