No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
