i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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