if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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