But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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