One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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